Mess of my Soul

It's autumn and I know the dark cold winter is on it's way but  I am still happy with the colors I see and the vibes I feel. Orange and brown and pink and yellow everywhere; I see the colors and think how beautiful the world has become. I wish to hold onto the cool breeze that touches my skin in these peaceful evenings and makes me feel alive, yet I know how excruciating these same evenings are about to be: very very soon. I know my soul is going to freeze and I am gonna have to numb my heart because this is what happens when autumn ends, it brings a never ending winter; cold and dark and painful.  I often ask myself why don't I ever let the autumn pass as it should and try to immerse my whole existence in it. Maybe my brain is not functional or maybe my heart feels too much, whatever it is, I fall for the colors; I fall hard. Even when I know how these orange and pink leaves are gonna change into grey and pierce my soul with every inch remaining, I keep saying myself "

Thank you for carrying a kind soul within you, who always know how to care even when you are bleeding and who knows how to love even when you are hurting. I know how this world has taken advantage of your kindness, time and again, and you have let them do so. I know how much you have bled because of having a warm heart and how many times you have wished to turn cold. But that's okay!! that is how you were born, maybe. Or that is how you have turned out to be. Because you know how it feels to be in the receiving end when someone turn their cold shoulder on you. Because your soul knows how painful the healing becomes when someone ghosts you. Life has never been easy but every time, you have scrapped a tiny bit of happiness, you have been grateful and you have accepted the life as it is. Thank you for your courage to keep going though there have been times when you just wanted to stop and end everything.  At this very moment, you feel, "that" one of your ugly old wound comin