Mess of my Soul

  Walking silently beside you in a moment of complete peace Mind created a beautiful world that nobody can seize Seeing the silence of flare with the feeling of faith I saw you in between my prayers Without the fear of death......

Travelling like a lunatic I try to forget you For a little while But again I see you in that blue sky in rays of rising sun and in colors of setting sun Memories start creeping in and The gulmohar whispers...........

  I saw you Moving far, far from me Full of big bushes & trees Hidden in the mid-jungle That I couldn’t see   Waiting you to turn back & get me in your arms tight Eyes got filled with tears & body trembled with fear Which I couldn’t hide   Continuous from my eyes Tears started to roll It is because I love you It was hard to hear you bye Keeping you within me and my eyes   Leaving me so far behind You kept on moving ahead Untouched with my sobs I kept on looking you moving And nothing was getting in my head   Forgetting each and everything I started to shout & scream Wrenched heart ached & head kept on saying "No no no, it is just a bad dream"............

It's autumn and I know the dark cold winter is on it's way but  I am still happy with the colors I see and the vibes I feel. Orange and brown and pink and yellow everywhere; I see the colors and think how beautiful the world has become. I wish to hold onto the cool breeze that touches my skin in these peaceful evenings and makes me feel alive, yet I know how excruciating these same evenings are about to be: very very soon. I know my soul is going to freeze and I am gonna have to numb my heart because this is what happens when autumn ends, it brings a never ending winter; cold and dark and painful.  I often ask myself why don't I ever let the autumn pass as it should and try to immerse my whole existence in it. Maybe my brain is not functional or maybe my heart feels too much, whatever it is, I fall for the colors; I fall hard. Even when I know how these orange and pink leaves are gonna change into grey and pierce my soul with every inch remaining, I keep saying myself "

Thank you for carrying a kind soul within you, who always know how to care even when you are bleeding and who knows how to love even when you are hurting. I know how this world has taken advantage of your kindness, time and again, and you have let them do so. I know how much you have bled because of having a warm heart and how many times you have wished to turn cold. But that's okay!! that is how you were born, maybe. Or that is how you have turned out to be. Because you know how it feels to be in the receiving end when someone turn their cold shoulder on you. Because your soul knows how painful the healing becomes when someone ghosts you. Life has never been easy but every time, you have scrapped a tiny bit of happiness, you have been grateful and you have accepted the life as it is. Thank you for your courage to keep going though there have been times when you just wanted to stop and end everything.  At this very moment, you feel, "that" one of your ugly old wound comin

Will you still hold me when I turn 80 ?? Like you do it today... I will have wrinkles in my face I won't hear properly what you say I might forget things and I will turn grey I will lose all the charms I carry today Old cranky woman won't be easy Things will turn boring and sounds greasy Today's cuteness will be regular Dreams of ours will start looking discolored Life will shine in the page of my diary With all the glitters like white hairs I will repeat same old story of ours How, how you came in my life as fairy I will have wrinkles in my face I will lose all the charms I carry today Will you still hold me when I turn 80 ?? Like you do it today...